And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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