____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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