I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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