so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
