yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
