so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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