Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
