in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
