We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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