That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
