he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
