it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
