I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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