I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
