I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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