dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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