It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
