??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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