i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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