please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
