I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
