you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
