she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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