My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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