he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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