playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
