She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
