i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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