Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
