Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
