like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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