I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
