he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
