Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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