does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
