Apparently you make a good broom.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
