Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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