I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
