I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
