Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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