oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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