I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
