If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
