u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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