you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
