your parents love me but you hate me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize