Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
