how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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