Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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