a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
