why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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