Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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