So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is the high leading the old right now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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