He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
