Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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