fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
