Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
