dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
