Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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