trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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