i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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