First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
