hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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