That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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