What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
