The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
