That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
