I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i out mim tonsoeep
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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