You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
