i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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