I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
